Cold Summer Nights
by keijiei5592
Summary: There's a fine line between forgetting and not wanting to remember. Despite the summer season, there'll be cold nights in the Tenth Division.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Bleach. I only wish I did.

**Author's Note**: My first Bleach fic. This just came to me after watching The Diamond Dust Rebellion for the nth time. XD

Now I'm just testing the waters here. So if turns out badly, don't hate me. XP

Oh, and Hitsugaya has the physical appearance of someone in his mid-20's here. :D

* * *

**Prologue**

There he was, unconscious in the middle of the field. He lay there amid snow and ice that covered at least half of the entire area. He was bleeding profusely, his breathing was shallow, and he was paler than usual.

Around him were others who were wounded, some had just minor cuts and bruises, others worse. But they didn't show much concern for themselves; instead they focused on the man that protected them.

His subordinates stood over him. Compelling him to hold on until help arrives, apologizing for their carelessness, regretting their disobedience.

This was supposed to be a routine perimeter check, nothing dangerous. An activity assigned to the new recruits. The captain wasn't even supposed to be there. The vice-captain was the one who was given the duty to oversee the activity. But things didn't go according to plan. An explosion occurred.

The captain managed to minimize the damage but it left him on the brink of death.

Moments later, a squad from the Fourth Division came to help. They were joined by the Tenth Division's vice-captain.

"What happened? Where is he?" Matsumoto looked at her subordinates, each of them facing in the direction of the captain.

She ran to him, rehearsing her usual apology speech in her head, hoping he'd forgive her and forget about their argument and not suspend her for being late and–

"Taichou?"

Her eyes fell on the unmoving form she recognized as her captain.

A medical unit rushed over to Hitsugaya-Taichou. They quickly assessed his injuries, put him on a stretcher and transported him to the Fourth Division infirmary.

It was hours before Unohana-Taichou finally allowed visitors. Matsumoto was the first one there. She hadn't had time to hear the reports about the incident. She was too worried (or guilty) to concentrate on what the men were going to say.

There she stood at the side of his bed. A shaky hand made its way to envelope one with wires sticking out of it. He stirred. Relief was evident on Matsumoto's face as she smiled. "Taichou?"

Jade irises slowly revealed themselves. They looked from left to right, stopping when it noticed the woman standing there.

Matsumoto's smile vanished as she looked into his cold stare, and pulled her hand away. She felt her heart break when her fear was confirmed by a query that cut through to her very core.

"Who are you?"

* * *

I don't know what's gotten into me, but most of my ideas turn out as tragedies. Oh, well. I hope I instilled a little interest in you guys.

Review please, if you want me to continue. :)


	2. Denial

A/N: First and foremost, I would like to thank all of you who read and even reviewed this fic. It made me so happy, especially since I personally thought that the idea of Matsumoto or Hitsugaya forgetting the other was a tad cliché (but I liked it so I went with it). I wasn't sure if this was going to attract much attention and thus the previous short and half-assed-written chapter. For that, I sincerely apologize. I have a bad habit of not taking something seriously if I'm not sure what the outcome would be. *sweatdrop*

ANYWAY, sorry this took so long. Here's my chapter 1. Hopefully, this turned out much better than the prologue, even by a little bit. XD

* * *

CHAPTER 1: Denial

It was seven o'clock in the morning when Matsumoto walked down the corridor that led to the captain's office. She turned heads, less because of her assets that she frequently flaunted, but more because of the time she decided to come in for work. Matsumoto's punctuality only existed when there was something wrong with the captain, and the members of the Tenth Division feared the worst.

It has been a day and a half since the incident and Matsumoto has been the opposite of her usual self. She would simply nod towards anyone who greeted her instead of a smile and a wave. She would walk quietly instead of hopping to her destination. She barely even leaves the office. Matsumoto knew that her current demeanor has caused a great deal of worry within the division, but she couldn't help it. She felt the need to be serious and to keep everything in order, all the while denying the fact that her captain trained all their subordinates to be able to work with minimum supervision.

The truth of the matter was, the Tenth Division worked like a well-oiled machine. Matsumoto just needed an excuse to keep her mind off of what happened. Unfortunately for her, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

As soon as she arrived in the office and sat down on her chair, she was faced with a status report due at the end of the week, which was tomorrow. It was supposed to contain the condition of the division, how it was fairing with the incapacitation of its captain and the mental health of the new recruits after their traumatic experience just a few days after their division assignment.

The material needed to fill in the report was already submitted to her the day before. But she hasn't gotten around to writing the actual review because completing the report would just make everything all the more real. She barely even got through writing the incident report without breaking down. She felt pathetic for falling apart at time like this, but her heart was heavy with emotions. She felt so…

Matsumoto was torn away from her thoughts as someone knocked on the office door. She realized that she must have been so deep in her thoughts not to notice someone approaching. "Come in."

The lieutenant watched as her subordinate shyly entered the office and bowed. He kept his eyes on the ground as he greeted his superior. "Good morning, Fukutaichou." Matsumoto immediately recognized the shinigami in front of her and smiled warmly at him. "Good morning, Mitsuki-san. What can I do for you?" The young man blushed as he spoke. "Well, you mentioned last night that I was supposed to attend the captain's meeting today, because I was a witness." Realization hit Matsumoto as she remembered her meeting with the First Division Captain prior to her conversation with Mitsuki.

The incident report that she was able to compile and submit contained only a few details about the explosion and had more detail on what happened before and after the blast. She told the Soutaichou that from what the division members were able to tell her, there were only three people who were close to the source of the bomb, or whatever it was. They were Mitsuki, Saito, and her captain. Saito disappeared and was presumed dead while Hitsugaya-Taichou was in a chemically induced coma. Mitsuki was the only one of the three who was now well-enough to recount the event, and thus he was ordered to be present in a captain's meeting.

"Last night, you never asked me anything about the explosion." Mitsuki continued, "So I thought, before we go to the meeting I could tell you about it. I mean, I thought, you might want to know what happened before anyone else." Matsumoto's expression turned sour after Mitsuki spoke. "I'm sorry; I know it's not my place to assume what you want. It's just that everyone says you've been acting weird, and that maybe you were worried, and that you and the captain were close, and it involves him and you and… I'm sorry!" Mitsuki bowed low as he apologized. Matsumoto was surprised with the apology, but realized it must have been her fault because she got upset. She wasn't upset because of Mitsuki, she thought he was sweet. She was upset because she didn't really want to know what happened to her captain. She didn't want every gory detail to be imprinted in her mind. Knowing the details of what happened would make her all the more… sad.

Matsumoto stood up from her chair and approached Mitsuki, then rested her hand atop his head "It's okay, Mitsuki-san. I appreciate you thinking about me." When Matsumoto removed her hand, Mitsuki straightened up and looked at his lieutenant. "But I'll be there at the captain's meeting with you. I'll listen to you then. Besides, nobody deserves to relive that kind of experience twice in one day."

Mitsuki nodded as Matsumoto continued, "You go on ahead, and I'll meet you at the First Division entrance." When Mitsuki reached the threshold, he stopped and turned back to Matsumoto. "Uhm, Fukutaichou. I don't know if anyone's asked you this but, is the captain going to be okay?" Matsumoto tensed at the question and hoped that Mitsuki didn't notice. She gave him a confident smile, the most confident one she could force herself to make. "Of course, he is. He's the captain, after all." Mitsuki smiled back. "I see. I will see you later then. Thank you."

After Mitsuki left, Matsumoto plopped right back in her chair. She held her head in her hands and leaned on the table with her elbows as she mentally prepared herself for the captain's meeting. She looked down on the unfinished status report. After a few seconds of staring, she noticed a circular stain on the paper that looked like it was from a drop of liquid. Was she crying? She touched her eyes and found that they were moist. But that didn't mean she was crying. It was probably just the heat. It was summer after all. No, she wasn't crying. Why would she? Her captain was gonna come back soon. The new recruits would recover. All of this was just going to be a bad memory.

Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

So there. Watcha think? Review, if you want. If Matsumoto is OOC, remember that something really bad happened and she isn't her normal self, okay? Okay! See you next chapter. :D


	3. Guilt

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach.

A/N: I am so sorry for the long wait. I had a major writer's block (I think I still do) and it took a whole lot of effort to finally complete this chapter. If this turned out to be a bit dry, sorry! :(

Anyway, I need reviews if chapter 3 is ever going to see the light of day. I hope you take the time to write me one. XD

* * *

CHAPTER 2: Guilt

It took a while, but Matsumoto finally persuaded herself to get off her chair and head out to the First Division. Besides, it would be rude to keep Mitsuki waiting out there alone. But when she checked the time and found out that she still had twenty minutes before the captain's meeting, she decided to take her time and walk to the First Division instead of using shunpo. She mentally apologized to Mitsuki for making him wait, but she needed the delay to sort out her thoughts.

While walking, Matsumoto suddenly thought back to the first Monday of summer. It was half-past noon and despite the smoldering heat, Matsumoto and her captain were in the overheated office sifting through paperwork. Transfer requests, budget reports, grievances and so on and so forth, the documents never seemed to end. It didn't take long before Matsumoto lost all patience with her tasks and sauntered over to her captain's desk with her hands on her hips. "Ne, Taichou?" Hitsugaya-Taichou barely glanced at her before returning to signing a report. "What is it, Matsumoto?" Matsumoto noticed the edge in her captain's voice and decided to tread lightly. Her captain despised summer and was extra grumpy this time of year. "Aren't you tired? How about we take a break?" She clasped her hands behind her back and leaned a bit to the right letting her hair fall to that side. She peered at her captain's face and pouted when he didn't respond. "C'mon, Taichou! A teeny tiny break won't hurt! Please?" Matsumoto instinctively stepped back when Hitsugaya clenched and unclenched a fist over his pen. She noticed that he took a deep breath before looking up and handing her a stack of papers. "If you want to get out of the office so much, go to the dojo and handle the new recruits." Matsumoto's pout intensified as she whined. "Eh? The newbies? Why me?" A vein popped on Hitsugaya's forehead which Matsumoto took as a cue to hurry out the door before she got stabbed. "Okay, Taichou! I'll be at the dojo if you need me! I'll see you later!" Once out of the office, Matsumoto sighed. "Taichou's no fun in the summer."

Matsumoto read the forms while she made her way to the dojo. But when she was at the threshold, someone violently slammed into her knocking her to the ground. The papers she was holding flew in every direction, but she didn't pay it any mind. She focused on the shinigami that was draped across her midsection. The boy (it looked like a boy) slowly looked up at her, teary-eyed. He hastily stood up and collected the scattered papers. He handed Matsumoto the documents and ran away. Matsumoto was too surprised to say anything and simply stayed in place. Another boy ran out and followed the first one calling out to him. "Mitsuki!"

The new recruits were temporarily hauled up in the dojo until their application has been processed. It turns out that while waiting, Mitsuki was being bullied by the others. He was a timid, lanky, sallow-skinned boy who wore his shoulder-length hair in a way that made him look even more skinny, and that made him an easy target.

Matsumoto had continued on with the assessment, all the while waiting for Mitsuki and Saito, the boy who followed him out, to come back. The assessment dragged on because of the applicants begging for second chances and Matsumoto didn't have the heart to say no (except to those who were stupid enough to insult the others but didn't have the skill to back up their words). It was already a quarter past five when the testing was finished. Matsumoto was about to leave when someone called out to her. "Excuse me, Fukutaichou?" It was Saito. "Yes, what is it?" Saito pulled someone to his side, Mitsuki. "We apologize for being late for the assessment. We were wondering if you would still let us take the test." Matsumoto looked at Mitsuki and for some reason, she found that his current gloomy expression reminded her of a certain little teal-eyed boy she met at a shop in Junrinan. She couldn't help but smile. "Sure."

Ever since then, Matsumoto kept an eye out for Mitsuki. She found it comforting that he had someone like Saito to count on when he was having a hard time. Their appearance was similar but Saito looked older and more muscular. They were about the same height, but Mitsuki had the habit of slouching when in front of other people which made Saito seem taller. Saito also wore his hair shorter. Matsumoto hoped that one day, Mitsuki would be comfortable enough to do the same.

But remembering the past made Matsumoto realize the painful present. Saito was gone, and Mitsuki was alone. That made her hurry to Mitsuki's side. But along the way, she noticed a medical team gathered by the entrance and were receiving orders from Unohana-Taichou. Their serious expressions made her worry. When Matsumoto made it to the First Division, Mitsuki was nowhere to be found. She approached one of the medics and asked about what happened. "Fujii Mitsuki was brought to the infirmary. He experienced a seizure."

Matsumoto felt a sharp pain in her chest as she was consumed with worry. Maybe Mitsuki's injuries weren't as minor as the medic who cleared him thought. She rushed to the infirmary and demanded to be told where Mitsuki was. When Matsumoto made it outside the room, her path was obstructed by none other than Unohana-Taichou. "Relax, Matsumoto-san. We're just running some tests on Mitsuki-kun. It would be better for you to wait out here. I'll talk to you again when we're done." And with that, Matsumoto was left alone in the hallway.

"How about we go get a drink? They'll be a while." Matsumoto turned around to find Hisagi smiling at her. "Hey, Shuuhei-kun. What brings you here?" She gave him a warm smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I heard one of the witnesses passed out outside the First Division." Hisagi came closer and watched as Matsumoto leaned back against a wall. "Yeah. It was Mitsuki-kun." Hisagi mimicked Matsumoto's movements and looked at her. "I also came to remind you about the meeting tomorrow. I just thought I should warn you. We're going to be discussing the incident." Any trace of Matsumoto's smile vanished at the mention of the incident. "Oh. Thanks."

"Hey, Rangiku-san." Hisagi stood next to Matsumoto. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here, you know…" Matsumoto almost smiled at his words, but when he continued, "What happened to Hitsugaya-Taichou, it wasn't your fault…" her ears perked up at the mention of her captain and gave Hisagi a stern stare. "What do you mean? What do you know about what happened to Taichou?" Hisagi put his hands in front of him in defense. "Hey, don't get mad. It's just that everyone knows a perimeter check usually falls under the jurisdiction of the vice captain and that Hitsugaya-Taichou got hurt pretty badly when he filled in for you." He was going to say something else but got cut off when Matsumoto's glare intensified. "Are you saying this is my fault?" Hisagi immediately regretted bringing the subject up. He should have just offered a crying shoulder if Matsumoto needed one and left it at that. "No, I just said that it _isn't_. I'm just concerned that you might think that _it is_ and that's why you haven't been yourself lately…" Matsumoto was about to say something when she was interrupted by someone clearing their throat.

Unohana-Taichou approached them and sported a soft smile. "Mitsuki-kun is going to be fine. It seems that he fainted and had a minor seizure because of all the spiritual pressure of the captains that passed him by while he was outside. They can be so inconsiderate sometimes. He just needs a little more time to recuperate." Matsumoto was visibly relieved. "Thank you, Unohana-Taichou."

"Matsumoto-san, about what we talked about the other day…" At the mention of their chat, Matsumoto immediately cut in. "Yes, I've been thinking about it real hard. I'll be able to give you my answer tomorrow morning." Before Unohana-Taichou could respond, Matsumoto had given the superior a wide smile and a bow. She then turned on her heel and taunted Hisagi. "C'mon, Shuuhei-kun. You said we'd go get a drink." Hisagi was startled at Matsumoto's sudden change of mood, but brushed it off and bowed to Unohana-Taichou, before shunpoing after a now cheerful Matsumoto.

Unohana-Taichou sighed and whispered to herself. "I'm sorry, Matsumoto-san. I wish there was something more I could do."

As Matsumoto bounded across rooftops, Hisagi's words swam in her mind. She stopped a few kilometers from the Fourth Division and waited for him to catch up. "Rangiku-san, I'm sorry if what I said upset you. It's just…" Matsumoto whirled around in a cheery fashion and grinned. "It's fine Shuuhei-kun. Now, about that drink, how about we go all out?" The man was taken aback by her cheery demeanor. "What do you mean?" Matsumoto grabbed Hisagi by the hand and pulled him along to the nearest bar she could find. "A party!"

Matsumoto spent the remainder of the day partying with the people she had started to distance herself from ever since the incident. She thought that if she acted normally then people won't worry about her, like Shuuhei. And that would be one less thing to be guilty about.

It was almost midnight when Matsumoto decided that she wanted to go home. It wasn't her usual habit, going home after a party, but she assumed that everyone would be too drunk to notice her leave anyway. So she grabbed a bottle of sake and tiptoed out of the bar. She was too intent on leaving without a sound that she failed to notice a man lifting his straw hat to watch her leave.

Outside, where no eyes were on her, Matsumoto went back to contemplating her current situation. All the sake and fanfare that she had partaken in could not erase the awful feeling that she had been refusing to acknowledge, and it had been eating away at her for a while now. She was feeling guilty about the trauma the incident would have caused to Mitsuki, she was guilty about the death of Saito, she was guilty about being stubborn and arrogant and lazy and late, and she was guilty about her captain getting hurt. But most of all, she was guilty about not being able to say the things she wanted to say and not doing what she should have done a long time ago.

Because based on the current predicament, she may never have the chance to anymore.

As soon as Matsumoto made it to her quarters, she fell into bed. She didn't bother changing her clothes or cleaning up. She felt too tired and alone to care. She simply laid there with her eyes transfixed on the starless sky while silent tears stained her pillow as she cried herself to sleep.

* * *

Okay, so I just made up a lot of things in this chapter just to give Matsumoto a hard time. I personally think this chapter didn't turn out as good as I would have liked, but I hope you guys would still be willing to read the next chapter after this (if there ever will be a next one). Thanks for reading! :D


	4. Pain

**A/N**: Wooh. This was tough. Again, I'm so sorry for the late update. This fic is becoming a lot more serious than I originally planned. Anyway, thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter.

I regret to inform you guys that I will be officially going on hiatus for an undetermined amount of time. I think, at least, until I graduate next year. I apologize to those who were looking forward to the completion of this story. I will finish this, but not anytime soon.

Again, thank you to all of you who have been reading this. See you next year.

* * *

Chapter 3: Pain

It was almost midnight and Kyouraku-Taichou was just about to drift off to sleep when he noticed the hurried shuffling of feet by one Matsumoto Rangiku. He lifted his straw hat just enough to watch the woman grab a bottle of sake and hurry out the bar. He was tempted to stand up and follow her out when he felt the sharp tap of a harisen on his shoulder. He looked up to see his vice-captain glaring at him from underneath her spectacles. "And where do you think you're going, Taichou?"

Kyouraku let out a breathy laugh. "Ah, Nanao-chan. It's so lovely to see you. Would you like a drink?" He smiled sheepishly as he watched Nanao's glare intensify while she eyed the many bottles of liquor in front of her captain. "No. And it's about time you go home. It's late." Kyouraku stood up to drape an arm over Nanano's shoulders. "Eh? Is my lovely Nanao-chan worried about me?" Nanao slapped the arm away and led the way out the bar. "I'm _worried_ that you're going to complain about a hangover and not do any work again. Now let's go."

Kyouraku managed to throw in a few more jibes, much to Nanao's dismay, before the conversation died down as they stepped out of the bar and into the cold night air. A shiver ran up the lieutenant's spine as she fought the urge to wrap her arms around herself due to the temperature. Not a minute later, a pink kimono was thrown over Nanao's shoulders as well as a melancholic whisper, "Nights like these make you realize that you never minded the cold when it was because of him. Don't you agree, Nanao-chan?"

Nanao met her captain's query with silence. She knew who her captain was referring to when she caught a glimpse of the structure just a few miles from them. It had the emblem of the Tenth Division. Nanao pulled the kimono tighter around her body.

The two walked in silence towards their division for a few minutes until Nanao cleared her throat and spoke. "Uhm… How was she?"

Kyouraku offered his subordinate a soft smile before answering. "She says she's fine."

"She's not fine. How can she be?" Nanao uncharacteristically stomped her foot on the ground as she continued to rant, her eyes stinging. Her chest hurt from unshed tears. "She won't talk to me. She keeps having their 3rd seat tell me she's busy. This is my fault. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have said anything. I just caused her pain."

Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around the lieutenant's torso, "Now now, Nanao-chan. It's alright." Nanao sighed and smiled at her captain's attempt to reassure her. "You can cry on Shunsui-sama's shoulder all through the night. And we can hold each other close until the sun comes up and-"

A vein popped out of Nanao's forehead as she glared at Kyouraku's crouched position in front of her, while brandishing her harisen, which came in contact with the latter's head not more than a few seconds ago. "I was being serious!"

"But Nanao-chan! So was I!" That earned the captain a face full of his kimono.

Nanao was about to walk away when she heard Kyouraku chuckling. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, dear. Are you feeling better now?" Kyouraku peered from behind his kimono, gauging Nanao's anger level.

"I…"

Kyouraku smiled as he stood up and once again wrapped his kimono around Nanao and steered her to the direction of their division. "My dear, whatever it is that you think you did, I doubt Rangiku-san is blaming you for all this."

Nanao kept silent. She knew her captain was right.

"Ne, Nanao-chan?"

Nanao eyed Kyouraku warily before answering. "Yes?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

That night, Nanao found out just how much pain Matsumoto was trying to hide.

-x-

The Vice Captain's meeting occurred without a hitch.

Matsumoto was understandably quiet most of the time, giving out only a few jabs towards Renji and Kira about their state of undress after last night's party. Nanao had a melancholic look on her face and did not make a move to reprimand Yachiru, who kept going on and on about the lack of snacks and how bored she was.

The First and Second Division Vice Captain's shared what knowledge they could regarding the Hitsugaya incident. It was not much, seeing as their only witness was unable to present his testimony and was once again confined in the Fourth Division.

Kotetsu offered the status of Fujii Mituski's recovery, which was slow but steady.

The rest of the meeting was filled with updates regarding mundane things like supplies, invitations to sparring matches and the contents of the Seireitei Communication's next issue.

After everything that needed to be touched upon was said, a quiet moment passed between them, and then they left the premises. The despondency that Aizen's rebellion caused was still fresh in their hearts and the knowledge that another catastrophe had taken place within their territory only aggravated it, whether they admit it aloud or not.

-x-

When Mituski was asked to give an account of what happened at the field, he didn't know what he was going to say. He barely remembered anything. But the others were looking expectantly at him. They all wanted to know what that bright light was. They wanted to know what caused the explosion. They wanted to know who hurt Hitsugaya-Taichou. They wanted to know everything, especially Matsumoto-Fukutaichou. He didn't want to disappoint her, so Mitsuki said yes.

But he felt like he was cheating. What was he supposed to say at the meeting? He couldn't make stuff up. That would be perjury. He wanted to talk to his fukutaichou about it but that didn't go according to plan. And so he was dutifully stood outside the First Division, as asked, when something hit him. It hit him so hard it knocked the wind right out of him and he was thrown into darkness.

Mitsuki woke up with a start. How long had he been asleep? His head hurt so much he felt like vomiting. After the sick sensation passed, he got out of bed and trudged out of the Fourth Division, clutching his arms. He was lucky no one heard him. He needed to get out of there.

He remembered. He remembered everything now. He didn't know how, but he did and it was stomach-churning.

The memory of what happened filled every crevice of his mind. He couldn't even hear himself think. He wanted to deny that that really happened. He could almost see the events unfold right in front of him. The white light, the scathing cold, and all that blood…

He didn't know where he was going. He just let his feet carry him to wherever. He ignored the nauseating ache of his body. He was pretty sure the soles of his feet were raw and red with cuts by now. He just walked and walked until he felt compelled to stop.

The scenery that greeted him made his jaw drop and he fell to his knees. He hit the ground pretty hard that he cried out. But his cry wasn't entirely because of physical pain. The expanse of land that his eyes roamed over was now only lightly covered in snow and the blood that stained the white substance, looked black. It brought back a rush of emotions. The light of the moon granted the setting a ghostly glow, and added to the deep feeling of loss, guilt and pain that had pooled in the boy's stomach.

He fell forward, his arms unsuccessful in breaking his fall and his shoulder hit the ground with a painful thud. He wanted to puke but nothing came, and he suffered that until tears sprung from the corner of his eyes. "What have I done?"

Only the wind was privy to his words and it offered no comfort. Mitsuki resigned himself to just lying there, crying and whispering over and over, "I'm sorry."

* * *

Reviews are appreciated! :3


End file.
